Mar 11, 2009

Mari Berlawak

Cerita Klakor....untuk merilekkan minda ini...

Lawak2 yg aku dpt sebelum mula kelas Professional Studies setiap hari rabu. disampaikan oleh Ken Smith.

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Three site engineers are working on a high-rise project in the city. They have a habit of eating their packed lunch on the topmost floor that has been built. So as days go by, their eating spot gets higher and higher.

One afternoon, as usual, the three men open up their lunchboxes and stared at their own food :

Italian man : Paste,pasta,pasta....Everyday my wife packs me pasta, I'm getting bored and sick!

Japanese man : Same here!all i get is sushi!Sushi,sushi EVERYDAY Sushi!

Irish man : Yes, same! all i get is irish lamb stew! Stew, irish stew everyday! (available at Secret Recipe, by the way...)

They looked at each other and the italian man said..

"one more,and i'm jumping off this building..."



So the next day, they came together for lunch.

Italian opens his lunchbox. He gets pasta. He jumped. He died.

Japanese opens his lunchbox. He gets sushi. He jumped. He died.

Irish opens his lunchbox. He gets stew. He jumped. He died.


At their funeral, all three wives attended. The Italian and Japanese wives were busy consoling each other as both were weeping and felt sorry for themselves.

The irish woman, however, was quiet and wasn't emotional at all. She said to the other two :

"Stupid old man.......he packs his own lunch."


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X tahu knape diorg label irish ppl sbgai bodow, tp almost all jokes yg melibatkn irish ppl, memg membodohkn mereka.hehe......oh here's another one.tp xde irish...

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There was a plane flying from one small city to another. On board, there were 4 people. Obviously there was the pilot. And then there was the Religion Minister, the computer genius, and the school boy.

The plane was fated to hit a heavy storm and the engine blew up.knowing the plane was about to crash, the pilot said to the passengers :

"People, we have a situation. There's no way this plane is going to make it, so we're gonna have to jump off. But we only have THREE parachutes"

"Since I am a pilot and i'm going to be useful in the future so that i can save many more planes and train many more pilot and teach them to avoid this kind of natural disasters, i may be able to actually save thousands of lives. So i'm off, bye..."

He grabs the first parachute and jumped off

The computer genius said :

"Since i am a genius i am extremely useful to the society. The world NEEDS me. I am so smart that i can invent lots of things in the future. In fact, i am probably smarter than everyone thinks i am...or maybe, i am even smarter than I THINK i am!"

So he jumped.

The religion minister said to the boy ;

"Son, i am old. I may have no use anymore to the society. I can barely run, and i'm sure my life is short. Go on, i am always prepared to meet my fate. You go, you are such a young man..."

The boy replied :

"Don't worry sir....the computer guy took my schoolbag"

Mar 7, 2009

Kaum Wanita, sila baca...lelaki pun boleh, ambil iktibar

A letter from a Christian to Muslim women


March 7th, 2007
By Joanna Francis
Writer, Journalist - USA


Between the Israeli assault on Lebanon and the Zionist “war on terror,” the Muslim world is now center stage in every American home. I see the carnage, death and destruction that have befallen Lebanon, but I also see something else: I see you. I can’t help but notice that almost every woman I see is carrying a baby or has children around her. I see that though they are dressed modestly, their beauty still shines through. But it’s not just outer beauty that I notice. I also notice that I feel something strange inside me: I feel envy. I feel terrible for the horrible experiences and war crimes that the Lebanese people have suffered, being targeted by our common enemy. But I can’t help but admire your strength, your beauty, your modesty, and most of all, your happiness.

Yes, it’s strange, but it occurred to me that even under constant bombardment, you still seemed happier than we are, because you were still living the natural lives of women. The way women have always lived since the beginning of time. It used to be that way in the West until the 1960s, when we were bombarded by the same enemy. Only we were not bombarded with actual munitions, but with subtle trickery and moral corruption.


Through Temptation
They bombarded us Americans from Hollywood, instead of from fighter jets or with our own American-made tanks. They would like to bomb you in this way too, after they’ve finished bombing the infrastructure of your countries. I do not want this to happen to you. You will feel degraded, just like we do. You can avoid this kind of bombing if you will kindly listen to those of us who have already suffered serious casualties from their evil influence. Because everything you see coming out of Hollywood is a pack of lies, a distortion of reality, smoke and mirrors. They present casual sex as harmless recreation because they aim to destroy the moral fabric of the societies into which they beam their poisonous programming. I beg you not to drink their poison. There is no antidote for it once you have consumed it. You may recover partially, but you will never be the same. Better to avoid the poison altogether than to try to heal from the damage it causes.

They will try to tempt you with their titillating movies and music videos, falsely portraying us American women as happy and satisfied, proud of dressing like prostitutes, and content without families. Most of us are not happy, trust me. Millions of us are on anti-depressant medication, hate our jobs, and cry at night over the men who told us they loved us, then greedily used us and walked away. They would like to destroy your families and convince you to have fewer children. They do this by presenting marriage as a form of slavery, motherhood as a curse, and being modest and pure as old-fashioned. They want you to cheapen yourself and lose your faith. They are like the Serpent tempting Eve with the apple. Don’t bite.


Self-Value
I see you as precious gems, pure gold, or the “pearl of great value” spoken of in the Bible (Matthew 13: 45). All women are pearls of great value, but some of us have been deceived into doubting the value of our purity. Jesus said: “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you” (Matthew 7: 6). Our pearls are priceless, but they convince us that they’re cheap. But trust me; there is no substitute for being able to look in the mirror and seeing purity, innocence and self-respect staring back at you.

The fashions coming out of the Western sewer are designed to make you believe that your most valuable asset is your sexuality. But your beautiful dresses and veils are actually sexier than any Western fashion, because they cloak you in mystery and show self-respect and confidence. A woman’s sexuality should be guarded from unworthy eyes, since it should be your gift to the man who loves and respects you enough to marry you. And since your men are still manly warriors, they deserve no less than your best. Our men don’t even want purity anymore. They don’t recognize the pearl of great value, opting for the flashy rhinestone instead. Only to leave her too! Your most valuable assets are your inner beauty, your innocence, and everything that makes you who you are. But I notice that some Muslim women push the limit and try to be as Western as possible, even while wearing a veil (with some of their hair showing). Why imitate women who already regret, or will soon regret, their lost virtue? There is no compensation for that loss. You are flawless diamonds. Don’t let them trick you into becoming rhinestones. Because everything you see in the fashion magazines and on Western television is a lie. It is Satan’s trap. It is fool’s gold.


A Woman’s Heart
I’ll let you in on a little secret, just in case you’re curious: pre-marital sex is not even that great. We gave our bodies to the men we were in love with, believing that that was the way to make them love us and want to marry us, just as we had seen on television growing up. But without the security of marriage and the sure knowledge that he will always stay with us, it’s not even enjoyable! That’s the irony. It was just a waste. It leaves you in tears.

Speaking as one woman to another, I believe that you understand that already. Because only a woman can truly understand what’s in another woman’s heart. We really are all alike. Our race, religion or nationalities do not matter. A woman’s heart is the same everywhere. We love. That’s what we do best. We nurture our families and give comfort and strength to the men we love. But we American women have been fooled into believing that we are happiest having careers, our own homes in which to live alone, and freedom to give our love away to whomever we choose.

That is not freedom. And that is not love.

Only in the safe haven of marriage can a woman’s body and heart be safe to love. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s not worth it. You won’t even like it and you’ll like yourself even less afterwards. Then he’ll leave you.


Self-Denial
Sin never pays. It always cheats you. Even though I have reclaimed my honor, there’s still no substitute for having never been dishonored in the first place. We Western women have been brainwashed into thinking that you Muslim women are oppressed. But truly, we are the ones who are oppressed; slaves to fashions that degrade us, obsessed with our weight, begging for love from men who do not want to grow up. Deep down inside, we know that we have been cheated.

We secretly admire and envy you, although some of us will not admit it. Please do not look down on us or think that we like things the way they are. It’s not our fault. Most of us did not have fathers to protect us when we were young because our families have been destroyed. You know who is behind this plot.

Don’t be fooled, my sisters. Don’t let them get you too. Stay innocent and pure. We Christian women need to see what life is really supposed to be like for women. We need you to set the example for us, because we are lost. Hold onto your purity.

Remember: you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. So guard your “toothpaste” carefully!

I hope you receive this advice in the spirit in which it is intended: the spirit of friendship, respect, and admiration.


From your Christian sister

with love


* This article is republished with the kind permission of the author. The original can be found on Crescent and the Cross. Joanna Francis is a writer and journalist. She manages her own blog.

Dua ekor hantu bertemu dan bercerita bagaimana mereka mati..

Hantu 1 : Bagaimana kau boleh mati?
Hantu 2 : Aku mati akibat kesejukan..
Hantu 1 : Macam mana rasanya mati dlm kesejukkan tu?
Hantu 2 : Sebenarnya aku terkurung dlm peti ais...mula2 aku cuma menggigil, lepas tu anggota aku mula membeku, kemudian aku rasa dunia aku gelap dan akirnya... tapi aku rasa bersyukur kerana aku mati tanpa banyak kesakitan..
Hantu 1 : Ishhh...kesiannya kau
Hantu 2 : Kau pulak, macam mana kau boleh mati...?
Hantu 1 : Aku kena serangan sakit jantung...
Hantu 2 : Oooo...cam mana kau boleh kena serangan sakit jantung?
Hantu 1 : Sebenarnya aku dapat tahu isteri aku curang. Suatu hari, aku balik ke rumah secara mengejut. Aku nampak ada kasut lelaki kat depan pintu. Aku tahu mesti isteri aku sedang bermesra dengan jantan lain..Aku berlari masuk bilik tidur, cuma ada isteri aku...aku tahu mesti jantan
tu nyorok kat mana2..aku gi bilik air, tak de jugak, pastu aku lari ke dapur, aku tgk jantan tu dlm peti ais.

Sekadar mencuit hati agar bibir sentiasa tersenyum...lol

Ohhh Mari Bercerita


Ini kisah dahulukala...

Seorang pemuda kacak dari negara sekian sekian memcuba mengangkat maruah diri dan keluarganya dgn bertekad untuk pergi mengembara. atas dasar cintakan ilmu dan mahukan pembaharuan dan cabaran, maka sang pemuda berangkat ke negeri asing yang tiada ketahuan akannya akan perihal manusia di sana. apa yang diketahui olehnya hanyalah keinginan dan azam yang kuat, dan berharap agar dirinya disambut dengan baik. tidak didamba akannya belaian lembut mahupun layanan istimewa, hanyalah suasana aman dan harmoni

setelah sepurnama sang pemuda mengembara,setelah sekian debu dan batu jalanan diharungi,setelah sekian ragam manusia diterokai,maka pemuda mula merasai tenteram. kesukaran dirasai, tetapi dapat ditangani. alkisah, maka pemuda ditemukan dengan sahabat seperjuangan. sang sahabat mengundang pemuda utk tinggal bersama. maka sang pemuda bersetuju,dan mereka menjadi rapat.

Mereka mengembara bersama ke sepelosok gurun belukar,bertemu manusia yang baik hati dan peramah. tidak kurang yang menolong meringankan beban. sekian lama bersahabat, mereka mengenali semakin ramai sahabat, dan mereka menjadi rapat dalam komuniti yang mesra.

pada suatu senja, setelah ingin pulang daripada mencari ilmu diwaktu pagi dan berkumpul bersama, maka sang pengembara dan sahabat menemani seorang sahabat pulang ke rumahnya. mereka bertiga sampai di tempat dituju. sahabat ke-2 cuba membuka pintu rumah, tetapi bermasalah. hari semakin gelap. cahaya matahari semakin tak kelihatan. dalam menanti sahabat-2 ini,sang pemuda dan sahabatnya melihat2 kawasan sekeliling. tiba-tiba seorang pemuda datang ke arah mereka. kelihatan seperti orang tempatan. dia menghampiri,menghampiri.....semakin dekat...........dekat...........

















GET tHE F*** OUT OF HERE!WHO GIVES YOU PERMISSION TO PARK HERE?!!!



Padahal bukan depan rumahnya pun,pikir aku.mat saleh yg kurang ajar itu nyata sekali seorang yang racist,dan ternyata sangat menyimpan perasaan terhadap 'pendatang2' ini....ya,aku seorang pendatang.aku berada di tmpat kamu.tapi fikiranku tenang,cuma x tahu apa yang hendak dikata.perkara ini telah kujangka sejak sebelum datang sini....

(aku akan gelar mamat tu Wayne,wlpun aku xtau nama dia)

Wayne datang kat tingkap kereta (housemate aku ada kereta), tingkap sblah aku terbukak...tenung kami...dan berkata..

WE DONT WANT U F***ERS HERE...GET THE S**T OUT!

(kemudian menoleh ke arah kawan aku yg msh struggle nk bukak pintu rumah dia)

U HEAR THAT??!!WE DONT WANT YOU F***ERS IN OUR PLACE!GET BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM,F*CKERS!!!, jeritnya....

kemudian dia toleh balik kat aku,dtg kat tingkap kereta semula...housemate aku pasang radio to full volume,then we sped off.

ini adalah kisah benar.




Mari Berdiskusi.

Inilah pertama kali aku betul2 merasa hidup sebagai pendatang ini. walaupun aku yakin yang tahap intelektual aku lebih tinggi drp Wayne (dia drunk,by the way), namun deep down aku sdr yg aku berada di negeri orang.diorg memg ada hak nk rasa cmtu, sbb aku penah rs cmtu gak kat org2 vietnam pekerja kilang kt rawang tu yang berpegang2 tangan.sesama lelaki.kadang2 pegang full,kadang2 cupir2 jari kelingking je berpaut mcm ekor kuda laut...dah,cukup pasal lelaki bpegang tgn.

perasaan insecure tgk orang asing itu satu hal, tp letting it out is another.dan aku x nafikan yg ada kawan2 aku yg benci kat orang india.dan ada gak yg xnk mkn kt mapley sbb dia rs tgn mapley tu kotor.sbb warna gelap ke?

kalau pernah ada perasaan itu antara kita,maka fikir2 balik...manusia dijadikan sama tarafnya,sama darjatnya..yang membezakan hanyalah tahap kemesraan kita dgn Pencipta,sejauh mana kita takut dan taat padaNya.

menurut kengkawan aku,kejadian mcm ni memg common di Launceston ni.dan yg paling kene target ialah male international students.tapi apepun,aku bersyukur. sbb dh seratus org aku jmpa kt sini, semua baik2,dan aku br jumpa sorg yg cmni. so 1:100 is not a bad ratio pun..ada mkcik kedai wholesome kat town nie,pnggil aku 'my dear' everytime aku dtg,dan dia akan bsembang dgn aku....so to be fair to them, aku x rs ini adalah satu norma yang diterima pakai disini.come to think of it,Wayne bertiga, tapi 2 org kawannya berundur masuk ke rumah. So obviously, hny dia yg ada problem jiwa. maybe it's a personal thing, it's not even accepted within his own circle of friends.hmmm....


dan i'm fine,thank you for asking.:-)

p/s : tohmahan dan cobaan oleh orang2 bangsa sndiri masa kat UPM dulu lg teruk drp 'serangan' bngsa asing ni.di upm lbh berbentuk 'personal attack'...;-)

Feb 22, 2009

Putting Things into Perspective


"Selamat menempuh hidup baru"

Itulah wish yang aku dpt sempena keberangkatan aku ke negeri down under nie. dan tasmania ni plak lagi laaaaaa DOWN UNDER. terima kasih pd semua kawan2 yg memberi ucapan tersebut. namun, bg aku, aku xnk mulakan hidup yang baru. hidup aku masih sama. minat aku masih sama, azam dan cita-cita masih sama, orang2 yang aku sayangi dan hargai masih sama, dan paling penting, kepercayaan dan akidah aku masih sama. jadi tiada istilah 'hidup baru' bagiku. dan tidak ku berniat untuk membuka buku baru, cuma ingin menulis BABAK BARU dalam buku ku..



Menyentuh perihal HIDUP BARU ini, contoh terdekat (atau bagi anda semua, agak jauh gak la...) ialah mangsa2 kebakaran hutan di Victoria, Australia sejak 30 jan. lepas...yes, beribu-ribu drp penduduk victoria (negeri kelahiranku jugak), terpaksa memulakan kehidupan baru. bayangkan kenikmatan yg kita ada hari ini, termasuklah PC yg anda guna utk membaca tulisan ini. atau ibu bapa dn keluarga yg anda baru je telepon/ sms kejap td, atau katil yg anda guna utk tidur semalam. atau segala dokumen penting (bagi budak2 archi, segala portfolio dan hasil kerje anda), hilang mcm tu shj. magnitud bencana ini sebenarnye jauh lebih besar drp yg mendapat liputan di Buletin Utama, TheStar, dsb...imej satelit menunjukkan api marak seperti 'cincin yang membesar, kemudian muncul satu lg di sebelahnya, dan mereka bergabung'...ada juga berkata 'labah-labah berjalan menuju ke arah mangsanya'..pergerakan api kebakaran seolah-olah suatu makhluk hidup...dan yang paling menyakitkan hati ialah 'bencana' ini adalah perbuatan tangan manusia. seorang suspek yg diambil keterangan menyatakan bhw dia 'memang suka menyalakan api sejak kecik'.........tanpa sebab.




Muslims to Muslims are brothers in faith. Muslims to non-Muslims are brothers in humanity.

Marilah mengambil sikap belas kasihan, dan berharap agar mereka dapat memulakan hidup yang baru dengan baik dan aman. pada masa yg sama, jgn lupa utk sentiasa berterima kasih dgn apa yg kita ada...kita sentiasa berada di tengah2.kalau kita rasa kita beruntung dan diberikan nikmat yg banyak serta skill yg mantap, ingatlah bhw ada yg lebih hebat drp kita.dan kalau kita rs kita sgt loser dan xterer dan xhensem dan xde duit dan 'rezeki x melekat', ingtlah bhw ada RAMAI yg lebih malang drp kita.

Allah tidak menimpakan ujian ke atas hambaNya melebihi apa yang mampu dipikul.

Take Two...Fit in

Hmm tajuk di atas adalah slogan sejenis produk pelangsingan badan di pasaran yang aku tak pasti apakah namanya...tetapi agak sesuai untuk dijadikan tajuk entry pertama blog ini.

Take Two - kerana ini cubaan KEDUA aku menulis dan mengekalkan blogspot sendiri...yang pertama adalah absolute failure.sepatutnye blog itu menceritakan pengalaman bekerja aku yang patutnye boleh membantu kawan2 dan adik2 junior sbgai persiapan mengharungi alam pekerjaan yang agak mencabar dan boleh jadi mengelirukan.

Fit In - adalah tema blog kali ini,yang berkisar dan berlatarbelakangkan kehidupan aku di Launceston, Tasmania, Australia. setiap hari usaha aku adalah untuk fit-in dengan surrounding baru aku. sama ada dari segi sosial life, academic, mahupun living/ survival skill. dan jugak boleh dijadikan panduan bagi mereka2 yg berhajat meneruskan pengajian di luar negara satu hari clark.

so here's hoping that blog ini bertahan lama, dan berupdate sentiasa.

sekian

ikan aku - kumikumi